ON THE FLY : HOOK-UPS !!!

It doesn’t matter how well-read or well-informed you are. To be popular, super-liked and leave an everlasting impact on someone’s memory and heart, you need to be well portrayed, well-advertised and well-sold. Do you think I am bluffing? Well, not really!!

Did your mother ever tell you how cute the photograph that captured you two cuddling was, that it featured on the cover-page of the "Shishuuuuu" hospital brochure. It was only then that every mother crooned for a bubbly baby like you and wanted her baby to take its first steps out of "Shishuuuuu" hospital only.

Remember how the passport size photograph of the bespectacled and oily haired you, displayed on the billboard of your school and coaching academy highlighting your scholastic achievements brought accolades and moolah to your academic institutes and later to you as well professionally.

These photographs were still fine but when it comes to one's matrimonial portfolio, it is a complete chaos. Don't believe me? Read on!

Since life’s peppy marathon is incomplete without being struck by Cupid, so here you landed in the tech zone of wedding. You had your bio-stats and studio-clicked or photo shopped avatars uploaded either on App based dating websites or full-fledged Online Swayamvars. These matrimonial giants make sure that they are triumphant in successful navigation of the Cupid’s arrow to your profile (and finally your heart) by their scripted rhythm and music encoded in some computer language. I am amazed by the kind of glamour quotient and curiosity that this advanced and modern concept of alliance gets and brings.

Courtesy : allianceonemumbai.com

I see many of my friends and colleagues at workplace fed up of their marriage – which is bound to happen in near future by ummmm omnipotent Online Almighty’s grace and blessings. But then I am even more surprised by the vocabulary, locution and IQ quotient required to empathize with a dear one on this subject matter.

I’ll enlist a few wisdom picks from such a conversation/online rundowns:

“Market reviews are not good for my profile.”

“I (My profile) have been just launched in the market (Wedding Market).” Seems pure objectification to me though.

"Did you register for a regular eco-package or the elite one, monthly or a quarterly?"  Just another recurring standing order instruction on your CTC to venture out in this hunt.

“I am ecstatic; he has accepted my expression of interest but the website shows Guna Match as 7/36. Horoscope depicts a Pitra-dosh!” Are you kidding me!!!

“Dowry givers, please excuse.” Really!!

“Career oriented and homely daughter welcomed!” Beware of this contentious statement.

“Athletic, well settled and a professionally qualified son wanted.” As per my backdated knowledge only criminals are wanted….

So be cautious!!!!

Courtesy : cartoonstock.com

Here’s my genuine opinion:

Whether you are on “Verified professional- marriage-only-websites” or not,

Whether you are found by someone special or not,

Whether the computer code matches better for you or not,

Whether love unites you and brings you together with someone fantastico or not,

Keep sane, swipe right and left on apps to celebrate Valentine 2016.

I am one of you too and you never know if my profile with the tag “Managed by Parent” is doing rounds online!! On this note, I rest my itchy fingers and await your comments on your encounter with online nuptials directly or indirectly.

This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

Apart from this, the credit for this post goes to one of my bewildered companions who have joined this quest too.

WEB COBWEBBED !!!!

I know TRAI and saffron brigade have been in headlines for quite a long time now concerning the topic of Net-neutrality. And journos are not leaving any stone unturned to make news out of it and keep the viewers abreast of all the apropos content. Let me envisage the news picks that we would be savouring in case the million mails received by TRAI do not receive a unilateral answer in response.

Here are a few from my palate :

* No choice of VOIP : Turns out to be positive for all those nerds glued to their PCs or may be few ones like me ;). The meetings and conferences stand cancelled since many employees voted for net-neutrality and this has in turn put the employer's work in jeopardy.

* Online launch of a famous 'Khan and Khan Returns' movie was paralysed since the cast of the movie had written to TRAI demanding Net neutrality.

* A-MAZ(E)-ON or A-BAY has been recommended to change their tagline to 'HAVE A BIGGER HEART AND POCKET to shop for everything you love/imagine'.

* Fight over the blue ticks : Lawsuits being filed in the court of law by couples since the spouse missed a 'miss you' message as he/she had supported net neutrality. ****, Watsupp??

* This one is creating swirls! People literally get to 'hangout' together as they are not allowed to send vibes over the sky(pe) freely.

* According to the Depressometer survey, the percentage of youngsters drowning into depression has reduced since they get less chance to stalk and think about those who might have crushed them. However, the cricket and news maniacs are going crazy and helter-skelter as they miss the regular feeds , I mean the other social bird's tweets.

* The Box, Cloud, Drives etc. await to be addressed for the rotting yottabytes of data.

* PASCAL could neither board the RUBY-ON-RAILS nor bestride the mighty HADOOP. The dorks could not get together in a HIVE and reach their GOAL. Its SNOWBALLing SPARK and could turn out to be bloody RED soon. Did you really understand this rubric?? As I am a technical jerk myself, its easy for me to draft this caption ;). To be precise, there would be very less or no participation in online coding contestations or for that matter other forms of vying since the coder's principle BASIS had been Net-neutrality. 

* Not to forget the accumulated wise journals, thesis, scholarly articles, virtual universities breathing on the Net urging for neutrality so that they could help those naive young people to sharpen their know-how.

* Since crowdsourcing went belly-up, a horde of entrepreneurs are on a hunger strike at Leela Maidan as their belly is bubbling with ideas.

Courtesy : Google Images

If you too have some luscious exposé, here's a chance for disclosure!!

I put my itchy fingers to slumber, lest I loose my pie of net neutrality and you also lose the chance to report!!