SURVEY ON GEEZER!!

I recently came across a bizarre survey which talks about masculinity display by the Indian men. Before perusing it, I was under the impression that Indian men’s (excuse the pun) muscle power and vulgar, abusive language were enough to exhibit their virility.  However, the survey provided me a completely different dimension to the concept of manliness in India.

Would you like to give it a thought?

“Can you just bend a bit, keep the pup aside in your car’s front-seat, wear gloves, take a polybag, pick the poop and throw it in the dustbin?”, ahh! my NRI friend is shouting at my neighbour. She dictates it like a pseudo-code not because she is a software engineer by profession but because it irks her when people ask the ‘How’ part of daily ablutions of a pet or are indifferent to it. Moreover, it is not a common sight for her in the exotic land where NRI’s do the needful voluntarily; particularly, due to fear of hefty fines. She has visited me after a long time and there are many things which adds to her fury, as it occurs to most of "the NRIs".

An animal’s excreta had exasperated her so intensely. What if she comes to know the study fact that I am going to share with you all?

Courtesy : Google Images

Well! Well! In this 21st  century, in an era where we boast of digital India, sophisticated and skilled India, the survey has brought to the fore a startling fact : masculinity show is best displayed by “excreting in open”. Yes, that is how Indian men believes is the best way to unveil their toughness, as per the survey.

Wait! This is not done and dusted yet! They believe that the comfort of open air has no comparison with the closed quarters. I mean imagine a white pot in an enclosed area, behind closed doors. Where’s the fun in that? I mean until and unless one squats in the middle of an open field amidst the murmur of flies and fleas and chat with the others around while taking a dump, there is no point of this routine mundane operation!

Who gives a damn what “Swach Baharat” is! No, wait, we are the ones who make commercials to
educate women to raise their voice to get a toilet constructed in their homes and use the same. But what about men? I am amused to say that it is not the paucity of funds for construction of a proper toilet but it’s against men’s ruggedness to use a lavatory. Amused why you ask? Have you forgotten, “Men are the decision-makers in households”. Well! This rings true in majority of the rural households where open defecation is still a major problem plaguing the entire villages.

Gosh!!!

I wish this observation which poses malice towards Indian men is fallacious.

On a lighter note, if the survey goes true, I deduce that ‘Swachh Bharat Cess’ will get exhausted in dung clean-up only.

I rest my itchy fingers now, to hear your thoughts aloud!!

Book Review - Guy on the sidewalk!!

Guy on the sidewalk is a perfect recipe of an Indian Born Confused Desi. After reading the book I found it very easy to relate to it since similar species of homo sapiens are being manufactured in Indian IT industry these days.

The dilemma of a brain drained and a debt ridden young person, NRI relationship and fears, job struggle and the indecision surrounding the return to India is well portrayed by the author in various hues, particularly RED!

I recommend this novel as it is going to be a light-hearted read.

ON THE FLY : HOOK-UPS !!!

It doesn’t matter how well-read or well-informed you are. To be popular, super-liked and leave an everlasting impact on someone’s memory and heart, you need to be well portrayed, well-advertised and well-sold. Do you think I am bluffing? Well, not really!!

Did your mother ever tell you how cute the photograph that captured you two cuddling was, that it featured on the cover-page of the "Shishuuuuu" hospital brochure. It was only then that every mother crooned for a bubbly baby like you and wanted her baby to take its first steps out of "Shishuuuuu" hospital only.

Remember how the passport size photograph of the bespectacled and oily haired you, displayed on the billboard of your school and coaching academy highlighting your scholastic achievements brought accolades and moolah to your academic institutes and later to you as well professionally.

These photographs were still fine but when it comes to one's matrimonial portfolio, it is a complete chaos. Don't believe me? Read on!

Since life’s peppy marathon is incomplete without being struck by Cupid, so here you landed in the tech zone of wedding. You had your bio-stats and studio-clicked or photo shopped avatars uploaded either on App based dating websites or full-fledged Online Swayamvars. These matrimonial giants make sure that they are triumphant in successful navigation of the Cupid’s arrow to your profile (and finally your heart) by their scripted rhythm and music encoded in some computer language. I am amazed by the kind of glamour quotient and curiosity that this advanced and modern concept of alliance gets and brings.

Courtesy : allianceonemumbai.com

I see many of my friends and colleagues at workplace fed up of their marriage – which is bound to happen in near future by ummmm omnipotent Online Almighty’s grace and blessings. But then I am even more surprised by the vocabulary, locution and IQ quotient required to empathize with a dear one on this subject matter.

I’ll enlist a few wisdom picks from such a conversation/online rundowns:

“Market reviews are not good for my profile.”

“I (My profile) have been just launched in the market (Wedding Market).” Seems pure objectification to me though.

"Did you register for a regular eco-package or the elite one, monthly or a quarterly?"  Just another recurring standing order instruction on your CTC to venture out in this hunt.

“I am ecstatic; he has accepted my expression of interest but the website shows Guna Match as 7/36. Horoscope depicts a Pitra-dosh!” Are you kidding me!!!

“Dowry givers, please excuse.” Really!!

“Career oriented and homely daughter welcomed!” Beware of this contentious statement.

“Athletic, well settled and a professionally qualified son wanted.” As per my backdated knowledge only criminals are wanted….

So be cautious!!!!

Courtesy : cartoonstock.com

Here’s my genuine opinion:

Whether you are on “Verified professional- marriage-only-websites” or not,

Whether you are found by someone special or not,

Whether the computer code matches better for you or not,

Whether love unites you and brings you together with someone fantastico or not,

Keep sane, swipe right and left on apps to celebrate Valentine 2016.

I am one of you too and you never know if my profile with the tag “Managed by Parent” is doing rounds online!! On this note, I rest my itchy fingers and await your comments on your encounter with online nuptials directly or indirectly.

This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

Apart from this, the credit for this post goes to one of my bewildered companions who have joined this quest too.

EVEN OUTS ALL ODDS IN 2016!!!

I was watching Bob the builder : an animated children show last evening and as always anthropomorphized vehicles left me mesmerized. The ongoing Odd-Even rule discussions for plying of cars on road to combat the pollution in Delhi and this animation series together played a game with my sub-conscious mind. So here I pen down my unpleasant fantasy.

DREAM.......

Many dented and painted vehicles are parked around and engaged in a pensive discussion.

Untattooed Sparkling Hatchback : Hey Automobiles! Good News! I will be on rest on alternate days this fortnight of 2016. A great respite to my ailing engine which bears the pressure of winter chill and fog (smog) each January.

"VVIP'" tattooed Convertible : Alas! God is really kind to you. All blessings seem to have been bestowed on you and your siblings. I am not that lucky even though government boasts of a No-VIP culture!

Pink Sedan : Have you all noticed the conduct of rowdy juveniles these days. No wonder, I have been licensed to be on the run too.

"Red cross" tattooed Mini-Van : Oh dear! Don't worry! I'll too be on wheels 24*7 to accompany you all.

Apt came the unanimous response from CNG and electric cars, Fire brigade tattooed vehicles, Police SUVs, scooter and its bulkier and metallic cousins, i.e., the bikes. All of them were sounding envious of being exempted from Odd-Even rule as they had some indelible patterns.

An old and dilapidated bicycle parked nearby in a shady corner was listening to all the conversation patiently. Her hollowed eyes had seen them taking her place in recent times. Her rusted and parched metallic skin had been over-shined by these newbies who now longed for an interlude. Moreover, she had gained wisdom during this long period of hibernation. And when asked about her opinion, she spoke : Neither of you will be spared. My sisters and I have been listening to a lot of humans. They are a crafty and an insightful lot and have the capability to even out all the odds. They have multiple inexpensive quickfix plans in retaliation to this rule like,

Plan A : Usage of fake number plates

Plan B : Utilizing stickers to change the last digit of the number plate

Plan C : Usage of reversible number plates with original/customized number

Plan D : Deployment of embossed number plates where the last digit can be changed using a sticking tape or a magnet

I am not saying this out of anger but I feel you all are cursed to be clogged on roads forever and ever.

...................

I don't know what could have come up next since I woke up with a sigh!

On a serious note, I agree that homo sapiens are the most intelligent of all the beings present on earth with immense cognitive adroitness. But considering the present circumstances, in my perspective people are really mentally sick since they are scheming alternatives even for 15 days to counter the Odd-Even rule in Delhi. But as the law of Physics states that “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction”, it's high time we offer bounties to nature.

Courtesy: Google Images

I hope this New Year, I would be a non-smoker in real sense! Huh!

As my lungs crave for PM2.5/PM10 free, non-toxic air I rest my itchy fingers as I already feel choked of the 'jugaad' attribute of my brethren.

GUARDIAN IN PERIL!!!!

I am very excited today. Why shouldn’t I be?

I have received the invite to be the guest of honour.

They have been eagerly waiting for me for the past one year.

They have made magnificent preparations for my arrival.

I just can’t tell you how happy I will be to finally meet these good people.

The duration of my stay?

Well! Unfortunately not long as a lot of people are expecting me. I have a limited timeframe and I don’t want to disappoint any of them.

But of course! I’ll stay in touch with them forever. For sure.

What?

Isn’t that implied? I need not explain all the nitty-gritties to these good people.

Most of them are highly educated. And even if not, then some rationale is given.

What!!!?  You must be lying!

These people can’t even think of this in their most horrible of dreams!

You are actually telling me that these good people will sabotage my vehicle so that I stay with them. What an inane idea?

I don’t believe you. Why? Because we are talking about perfectly sane not perfectly senile people.

They won’t do that. EVER.

Okay. Just for argument sake, let’s assume that they actually get involved in the horrendous task.

Then what?

Do they really think I won’t be able to go back if they do so?

And anybody will actually be willing to visit these people again if they act in such a despicable manner?

Out of love you say!

That’s the most incredible idea that I have ever heard!

I found this incredible too! After going through the phases of surprise, shock, anger and disbelief though.

What’s your take? Do you think it’s an acceptable thing to do?

No. Right?

Then why do we do this to the very deity we revere every day? Why the Goddess Lakshmi’s mount has to bear the brunt of our pure devotion or should I say excessive desires. According to a study, of the 30 owl species recorded from India, 15 have been recorded in the domestic live bird trade. Sacrificing an innocent creature for some hocus-pocus is actually a bizarre thing to do

Proof you ask?

Courtesy: Google Images

What about the Forbes list? I don’t see it dominated by us Indians only.It’s neither sarcasm nor anger. I am actually feeling ashamed to be a part of the nation with average literacy rate greater than 70% and a strong focus on development. Whatever the statistics might manifest, we are actually regressing to dark ages in this modern era.

In the times of instant messaging, instant riches is the new fad capturing imagination.

Where is our integrity when we search for the perfect owls to get the best riches when we are creating such a ruckus about the beef-ban on the other hand? Leave mature, is it even a sane thing to do?

You say they have magical properties/characteristics. Why don’t we leave that to the Harry Potter series and old age totems? Need I say more?