TIME FOR A SWEEP SHOT!!!

"I see the things clearly now, is it something to do with the optical power of my spectacles or has God used some magic wand to cast a spell? This was a query by my close friend when her flight landed in this exotic land called as peninsula of peninsulas. To be specific, I am speaking about Europe which is so unblemished and pollution free which makes one feel as if one's vision has improved to a great extent. Though this declaration can easily be stated but I tried to figure out the yearn to earn and retain this natural beauty that Europe boasts of.

I found that Europe holds a mass cleaning drive "Let’s Clean Up Europe!" across the continent every year on the same day. It involves people from all walks of life who gather at pre-decided locations, collect and sort litter (segregating the hazardous waste material) and discuss new ideas for the three R's i.e. REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE. This effort makes everyone aware of the importance of garbage and an unadulterated environment which in turn is beneficial for their own health. A wonderful stride, indeed!!

On similar lines, now we have 'Swachh Bharat Abhiyan' aimed to restore contaminated India.
I am really elated and appreciate this movement initiated by our honorable prime minister Mr.Modi, but only if it suffices to its purpose. Like Europeans, I hope we too understand the criticality of this issue and use the broom to mop the correct trash. Also, if we could harness the energy of the muck lying and crying in and around the landfills by generating electricity/heat it would only bolster NDA's  mission of affordable 24*7 electricity for all homes.

I wonder if it's possible but just think about it! How is it if we get a trophy for cleaning our own mess or are bejeweled for knowing the importance of  filth and of course its stench!! You might think that I am exaggerating but I bet it is better than compensating people (their relatives) who tried or actually gave up their lives for a South Indian Amma who instead had misappropriated with their own moolah.

And this one's for my respectable government : send some extra garbage to Sweden which is anyways importing tonnes of it from Norway and other European countries to facilitate its waste-to-energy incineration program. This would eliminate our land of at least some fraction of malodorous grime.

Courtesy : Google Images

I think it is time for me to sweep, so here I go Vroooommm!!! With this thought in my mind and thinking over what my father says : Only if an Indian can clean his pet's shit jogging along in the same way as he does when he's tagged as an NRI, we can expect a magnified optical power!! Do you agree??

PRAY OR PREY : WHICH WAY??

Hello!! Did you miss me? See, I have been into hiding! Just came out to take a breather. Did you just say “why”? What an imbecile query!! I am a “girl” silly!

Lo! One word and all your queries are put to rest.

 After all you know that it’s an unwritten rule that either I am not allowed to take my first breath or I am mollycoddled to death. I don’t get my fair share of fresh air either way! Wait! Am I even allowed to say fair? I am pretty sure that I am lucky enough to be born or is it the unlucky part? Oh God! I am not so sure anymore! Let’s talk about something else.

 How impolite I am! I didn't even introduce myself! You have to contend yourself with a name because even I have been searching for an identity. We can discuss this later if you want. Ummm.. So what should I tell you about me that you can identify me with?

Ohh!! I know just the thing. Let’s talk about the religion I practise: humanity. Strange as it may sound but that’s the truth. I know there are few takers for this because you see it takes all the fun out of being able to participate in mindless fanaticism! Moreover, even though I belong to the largest minority, I don’t get any reservations! Sigh!!

Courtesy:Google Images

To think about it, I may have to live this mundane life forever until of course you try to proselytize me and help me out of this absurd religion. I am too docile, too compliant, too foolish. My life is not my own. I am somewhat like inanimate property that needs to be protected. That’s the only reason people are so militant about protecting “their women”.

 You see, it is a nationally established fact that I have no mind of my own. So, I might have chosen the wrong way of life for me. But you know what? My religion has never let me down and has helped me lead a peaceful life because well! nobody ever forgets kind words, helping hand and gentle smiles and that’s all my religion has ever taught me. Yes! I know it’s bad and I need to distance myself from this! But it feels bad for this is what I have believed in since forever!!

Psst..Pssst…Don’t tell anybody. But as I am telling you everything, I might just as well tell you about an absurd notion that I have harbored for so long. I thing all these floods and calamities are happening because your Gods are crying tears of happiness because you are constantly fighting to increase the number of their devotees.

So thoughtful of you! It makes me feel so belittled! You are doing so much for your religion and me??

Well!! I have had enough for this. I am ready to follow whatever you ask me to:

Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Jainism, Sikhism?

Courtesy:Google Images

See! It’s not more than a horizontal alphabetical list for me. These appear all the same to me as a means to achieve love, laughter and bliss in my life.

Don’t give me those looks! I had already told you how foolish I am. So, I need you to talk some sense into me and choose wisely!

So, please do tell me when you have taken the right decision for me. I am so tired of this nugatory existence of mine. And of course, I don’t want to go back into hiding. I will meet you right here at the crossroads whenever you have made up your mind.

BOUNTY OF NATURE WAITING TO BE BOTTLED!!!

This is a reminiscence of my short trip to Ahemdabad. It was a pleasant morning and I woke up at 6:00 a.m. as I had to go for a guided Heritage Walk with my friends. We hired a cab to reach Swaminarayan Mandir from where the tour had to begin. Awestruck by its radiance and grandeur, we passed through various havelis, temples, pols and finally reached the Jama Masjid. The mosque had a large courtyard with a picturesque view. We thought of capturing our moments, but suddenly dawn turned into dusk, dark clouds thundered, dusty winds blew and trees twisted as per breeze’s choreography. It was clear indication of a squall and Lord Indra’s desire to use his weapon ‘Vajra’ to quench the thirst of Mother Earth and satiate her. Yes! It was time for first spell of rains and of course the moment it began, it brought a characteristic scent along with it.

Courtesy : Google Images

It was only after inhaling this scent that I realized this is the fragrance that I have longed for since my nonage. How I wished I could trap this scent into a bottle. I recalled my childhood days when I used to deploy all the super powers of my nose to smell and retain (exaggerated!!!) the fragrance of rain on dry earth. I remembered the times when unconsciously I used to crane my neck and peep outside the window in classrooms waiting for the gardener to water the plants just to sniff the perfume. Also, how my friend used to cover my nose so that I don’t smell her share of the aroma. Even the fear of heavy downpour and muddy puddles wouldn’t deter me from peeping outside the window of my school bus and feel the mizzle’s scent.

If I now recollect, sometimes I even used to try to replicate the uniqueness of this aroma by watering the plants or the pads of desert cooler. Even the mopping of floor after a thunderstorm has this lovely odour to it, which I think that crazy, maniac people like me are whacky enough to notice!!! Do comment if your acts are in resonance with these impish activities of mine.

Aah!! It’s overcast and I can hear the rain pelting on the roof of my house!! Seems it’s time for me to rest my itchy fingers and experience the distinctive scent ,“The Petrichor”, i.e. the scent of rain after a long warm spell, as it’s called in Greek mythology. I believe these are mere words trying to define a perfect mix of mellifluous and super fresh fragrance with a certain edge to it : something beyond their scope. I just hope Godrej aer could provide a way so that this whiff could metamorphose into an everlasting perfume. After all, who wouldn’t like to wear a freshening scent with an attractive tinge to it?

I can sense it already and feel like humming :

I just want to trap this scent

For it makes me go mad

If it comes in the market

Trust me it’ll be “The New Fad”!!!!!

STATUS CHAOS OOPS, QUO !!!!!

Physical State : Ice

Liquid State    : Water

Gaseous State : Vapours

Wait!! Wait!! It’s totally wrong! Let’s start all over again!

Physical State : Uttar Pradesh

Liquid State    : Uttarakhand

Volatile  State : Telangana

Am I correct now? Oh Gosh!! I am in such a perplexed mental state!! Please help me out. I am not at fault as there are too many states to keep in mind and lo! There is even a super hit “Two States” adding to the bewilderment!!

And yes! Yes! We have become a nation with twenty nine states with the new state being carved out in the backdrop of violence, bloodshed, furore and communal tensions. Cruel fate of states I must tell you. No?!

Is it a sorry state of affairs when it comes to Muzzafarnagar or when it comes to metropolitan cities and again the crime capital, Uttar Pradesh treating women like hard core sociopaths? Or maybe it is unhealthy and unhygienic state of affairs for we lack even the most basic “toilet” facility in the twentieth century!!

Sigh!! Prehistoric state. Don’t you think so?

And of course, then there is the United States Of America which can give anyone a run for their money when it comes to making news or snooping into zillions of personal lives and invading numerous territories in the name of “national security”!!

Thank goodness!! Mr. Modi’s visit to USA in September will hopefully strengthen India’s “diplomatic” relations with Uncle Sam benefitting not only the milk state but also make “ache din” pan India more beautiful.

The list doesn’t end here!!

We have a new Central government in place but Delhi state is left in a forsaken state. I bet it is cursed or something. Otherwise, why would completely sane and competent parties dilly-dally over the issue of forming a government in the heart of the nation, promise for the same and then take a complete u-turn on their statements.

Then there is an utter chaotic state with El nino hounding our weather patterns, inflation tormenting our meager budgets and the ever increasing Current Account Deficit and the ever sinking rupee adding to the hullabaloo. Oops! I forgot to mention the impending water and electricity wars. Had it not been for the communiqué issued by the government and RBI, things would have been in a pretty mind boggling state for us commoners. What’s say?

Oh! We got entangled in the web of states! Let’s start over one last time.

Physical State : Chaiwaala

Liquid State    : Shehzada

Gaseous State : 49-day Chief Minister

                                      Or is it

Physical State : Khap Panchayats

Liquid State    : State governors

Gaseous State : Subrata Roy

                                            COFUSION!! CONFUSION!! CONFUSION!!

Courtesy : Google Images

I think? I should give my itchy fingers a little rest here but you please forgive me if I made any errors in my statements and forgive me for writing after such a long time as can clearly see my tormented mental state. And of course, do write to us if you find “the” answer to “the” question:

      “What STATE of affairs are we living in? Wait!! Is it actually the state of affairs or affairs of the state?”

"PAMPERS" FOR THE PAMPERED MEN!!!

It seems that Indian men have taken the following dialogue from a famous movie too literally “Babbar Sher To karte Hai Khule Aasmaan Ke Niche....Dum Hai To Rok Ke Dikhao!!!” My comprehension says that Babbar Sher ≈ All chaps who stick to the above statement.

Courtesy : Indiatoday.in

Few weeks ago, High court ruling stated that “it could not insist Indian men to leave homes with their zips locked”. Indeed a funny acknowledgement to the piddle problem (No offence to our honourable judiciary).

If I remember my childhood or in fact pre-schooling days, it was the time when my parents would cuddle me for slightest of things, but of course not for wetting the bed or the floor. It’s since that time that my parents and my kindergarten taught me not to pee around and either follow self control or use rest-rooms. Self-control is the most important ornament, I guess. But when it comes to control our body reactions, be it voluntary or involuntary it becomes a bit difficult. So I chose the latter option i.e. of using wash-rooms. I remember how students were rebuked or sometimes even slapped by the teachers or the cleaners for disrupting the decorum of the class by the aroma of their by-products. It was the most basic of the civic sense that was instructed with prime importance. But now when I see all these erudite men out on roads, searching for walls, I feel ashamed. Contrary to this, If I lookout for women indulging in a similar activity, I rarely find any!! C’mon men!! You out-perform women (according to patriarchal facts, which however I don’t accede to!!) in every task. Then why is the fairer-sex fairing well in bladder-control? Enter the arena!! Buck up!!

What was even more embarrassing to read was that the boundary walls with the pictures of deities and graffiti stating “You are a donkey/dog” couldn’t shun these unabashed men from spoiling them.

I think it’s high time we pay heed to this troublesome issue. We are allured by the western countries, why not have laws akin to theirs. For eg:  cleaning your own mess, a night behind the cells or probably imposing a monetary fine to bar people from addressing to their nature's call publicly onto the mother nature. Bingo!!! I was just watching an advertisement and have come up with this - put an end to this menace by production of Adult diapers for these brazen men (Believe me!! It’s gonna be a lucrative business option). Please share your ideas and opinions which could save us from this issue of public shame and disgrace!

Moreover, instead of being lazy on this age-old problem, I approve of a quick resolution. Don’t you agree with me?? I say this because in this time of electoral fray, I won’t be able to stand some other politician affirming “Men will be men, we can’t punish them for this boo-boo”!!!

CAST YOUR VOTE! IT’S WORTH A SHOT!!!

With the election bugle cries in the air, the first phase of polling commences today. And while so many of us are wondering whether to consider 10^th April as just another holiday or get inked or exercise NOTA, I wonder if any of us has actually considered the fact that we Indians are privileged to be a part of the world’s biggest democratic exercise with the right to vote in our hands which when exercised might set many (if not all) wrongs right. Believe me, we have given too much thought. Now, it’s time to elect, to act and set tons of things into place.

Courtesy: Google Images

And this is not just us, even in the name of politicians, our country needs doers more than thinkers today. We wondered wide-eyed what happened to us in the colonial days, we struggled to gain independence and since, our biggest victory, we have been letting stuff happen to us, waiting for time or maybe some divine force to make thing fall into place. But I think that time has come for the third category of people to come to the forefront: people who make it happen.

For how long will we keep grumbling about the “corrupt” system of “ours”? Mind it: we have no right to curse the system until we are ready to accept the fact that we all are a part of this system only and strife to bring about a change.

Patriotism or national pride are not just hollow momentary emotions to be felt on 26^th January or 15^th August or when chanting slogans “INDIA JEETEGA” in a jam-packed Firoz Shah Kotla. These might bring us tremendous joy but not the content and dignity we feel after exercising our precious vote.

Considering everything corrupt, calling the national affairs an anathema is an easy thing to do but it’s not your job. I know I am being harsh but I am really sorry that I am not sorry about it! We might have some sorry state of affairs around us but this might not be the end if you cast your vote, my Friend!

Don’t believe me!?! Just give a thought to the fact that a 49-day stint(as it is called so) by an amateur political party kept each single political entity on its toes making us realize the true meaning of politics that has faded in the years of dynastic, caste, colour, hate, religion politics and bringing about a complete change in the political arena. In place of caste and communal chants buzzing around, we have voices being raised for employment, education, rising economy  and a corruption free developed India. Not just “manifestos”, we have “womanifestos” appearing  in the patriarchal society of ours. Even youngsters are filing nominations in the field previously supposed to be a perfect income plan post retirement.

Courtesy: Google Images

These are the indicators of positive changes in the entrenched society of ours if not more. And it took us 66 years to rise from ashes to what we are today. Think of all we can achieve in half this time period with all the assets that we have today. So, please think of your baby steps to polling booths as giant strides in the direction of India becoming a superpower.

BE YOU, BE DIFFERENT, BE SEEN !!!!

An insane race,

Courtesy : Google Images

A mad craze,
A perplexing maze,
A clear haze.
We are all running!!
Hello!! What's the objective? 
Where is the aim?
Excited and aggressive reds,
Tender pinks,
Hazardous and joyous yellows,
Loyal and depressed blues,
Envious and generous greens.
But where is the tranquil sheen?
Why is it so "black and white" 
when it comes to me?

Hey! I know you all must be thinking itchy fingers and poetry!! :D :D

What to do! They got really inspired by people fretting over-well almost everything: be it studies, profession,
family,friends,career options and God knows! Maybe 50 Shades of Grey ;) or NaMo and RaGa ke raag!!

The point I am trying to make here is that we are running just because everyone else is and that  too pointlessly,aimlessly tiring and losing ourselves in the entire process. Maybe I am sounding lil like Baba RanchodDas or appearing too philosophical suddenly but just pause and think how many times have you actually felt contented or good about yourselves? How many times have you re-read your favourite book, watched your favourite show or played the piano gathering dust in a corner ? 

What I actually feel is that in order to get what by some invisible standards is a "MUST",we are  letting the real us "RUST". Do you really need that food processor right now? Of course! 
Sharma ji, Gupta ji,Malhotra ji all have it! Though I am on a strict diet regime, food processor
is the necessity of life!! 

ROFL.....

We travel miles 
searching for Smiles, 
that actually inside us lies.
When will we become wise?
And come out of the web of lies
And give life some fair tries!!

Just think over it! You might meet yourselves while introspecting!!

Let us come to the innumerable hues that colour our perspectives and views. There are so many shades that we wade through and that invade our mood perpetually. People even use 
mood rings  these days! "My Precious"! :D

Okay! Jokes apart! But is it really meaningful to be painted the same hue as the herd we have all become a part of :knowingly or unknowingly.

Why are we too scared to be seen when we always have that thirst to prove ourselves?
Why are we too scared to realize our potential, the real us? Isn't everything actually "black and white" when we are not ready to give ourselves a chance while we are getting a lot angrier citing the the lack of opportunities! How confused we all are. Living in a hazy dream which seems crystal clear to our tired minds.

I don't think that I am the first person to raise such questions. These are the rhetorical questions  that all of us ask ourselves a zillion times but we don't have any answer because you know what "we are all doers not thinkers and we don't even know what we are actually doing"!!

So here I leave you with you these unanswered questions and a few lines from my favourite song:

I hope your still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you will give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you DANCE!! I hope you DANCE!!

ANIMATED LOVE THIS VALENTINE!!!!

Before actually perceiving the meaning of Valentine and Love, she is just like any one of the POWERPUFF girls. Cute as BUBBLES, fussy as BLOSSOM and authoritative as BUTTERCUP. Flying high struggling with the prodigious curriculum around.

Courtesy : Google Images

 Every other guy whom she used to think of as DENNIS THE MENACE has suddenly turned into JOHNNY BRAVO. A woman-chasing personality, hard to tolerate but harder to miss or mess with. Gradually it came to a TOM & JERRY chase and torment between her and him. Heart-aches here followed by crushes everywhere. Like PANINI THE CAT, she fell for CHOWDER THE YOUNG CHEF in her training class. But cleverly she evaded the investigating eyes of others which rolled like those of INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU’S OF PINK PANTHER or UNCLE SCROOGE for that matter. Amidst this entire clamour, finally the Cupid struck. Like MINNIE MOUSE, she would dress up and roam around with her MICKEY MOUSE. She dreamt of strong and courageous ALADDIN and flew with him on carpet like PRINCESS JASMINE. Not to forget, like ORTENSIA, she was jealous of all other girlfriends eyeing her OSWALD!! But then as is said, honey attracts bees, her charms did wonder too. But to deactivate them, he came like POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN and saved her from the clutches of every BLUTO. She too reciprocated wonderfully as a veracious partner. Like SALLY BROWN, she supported him in all his endeavors, always encouraged her SWEET BABBOO LINUS in activities ranging from playing piano to anything and everything. And a mandate happy ending did follow. He loved her forever like FRED FLINTSTONE even though she couldn’t catch up with his schemes sometimes!!!

I hope this animated love concoction would let you spill the beans too!!! Share with me too!! 

Now, if I can put my itchy fingers in this season of Love on those mingled, then why not on SNOOPY FROM THE COMIC STRIP PEANUTS (beloved pet of CHARLIE BROWN).

Courtesy : Google Images

C’mon! you can pamper yourself and primarily cheer by first of all saying “Two is a crowd and I am a fantastic present to myself”. Don’t abhor yourself for a little aberration in your life. And here comes one more suggestion for you from my basket – Go out to restaurants or pubs alone. You’ll be amazed by the grand welcome and discounted meals offers. Believe me, I am not lying. And all those shattered and heartbroken out there, better to carry your Ex’s picture to your dining place. Angels out there would gladly help you overcome the emotional atyachaar by setting it ablaze. And the last but not the least, do munch upon a heart shaped pizza (of course sliced from the mid)!!!

CAST OUT CASTE!!!!!

YEAR 2014

Results out (Percentile)	Category	Status
94	General	Sorry! We can’t take you. Your score doesn’t meet the 100%ile cut-off.
85	So-called Downtrodden	Aaiye Boss! Aaiye!

YEAR 2030

A year of revolutions!! The marginalized General category out on streets protesting against the system for “outcasting” them and setting the bar higher for them to gain entrance into the educational institutions spanning from kinder garden to college and from peons to CEOs on professional front.

--Political Game

Assuring people of taking up the matter in both the Houses and setting up a commission taking the number of commissions to 1,00,000 (to be precise).

--Vote bank Mantra

“If I come to power”, I promise that my party will pass a bill for the reservation of the“Non-creamy” layer in the General category with immediate effect.

So, is this the solution? “Setting Quotas within Quotas”.

Courtesy: Google Images

My! My! I have been wondering that why for the past numerous years India has been a “DEVELOPING NATION” and not a “DEVELOPED ONE”. And the answer has been in front of us all along and we didn’t realize! You tell me that in a nation where people are fighting to take a bite in the pie of Scheduled Caste, Scheduled Tribes, Other Backward categories and Economically Weaker Sections, then can it progress?? Can it progress when people are hell-bent to be a part of “the so-called weaker sections” in order to get better opportunities, progress and may be an edge over many of their perseverant “non-weaker” counterparts? I am not against reservations but Yes! I am pertinently in favour of reservations only for those who truly “Need” and not “Want” reservations.

If your thoughts are not in resonance with mine, then pause for a minute and think about the future of that poor child sitting in shabby clothes who might enter (if he ever does) a school as a janitor. Think about the neighbor who is burning the mid-night oil to get into his dream institute while you are flipping through the TV channels in cozy blankets just because you have to score only 50% for that institute as you were “privileged” enough to be born in a family with “OBC Certificate”!! You say it’s “Birth Right”, I say it’s “Shame” if you don’t deserve that in actuality.

“Need” and “want” are really strong words. If India as a nation wants to develop and we as people want to progress on the path of success, equality and harmony, then I strongly feel that the whole concept of “Reservation” should and must revolve around these two words only. Otherwise, I think in the following years, when different parts of the globe would be boasting about their high GDP’s, literacy rates and technological advancements, Indian government would be busy distributing reservation certificates to each of its citizens. PITY!!!!! 

If we don't find a panacea to this chronic problem, then I think that the Gods of this religion fanatic nation would have to consider allowing the germinal babies to choose "privileged" families for an unshakable future.

                                                                         

                                                                                                                                

"S"atiated "A"t "L"ow "E"xpense!!!

Courtesy: Google Images

The king of seasons: the sale season, the time of year of raining discounts is finally here. And correct me if I am wrong, this is the most awaited season of the year. Gone are the days when we got content even after window shopping as it’s time to ditch those cozy warm quilts and throng the malls and markets. “Welcome!! May I help you!!” followed by a pat reply “No, I’ll manage” are the dialogues of the season even though everybody is aware that the wardrobe floodgates have opened and they will have to wade their way through a sea of robes to get their hands on something to take back home.

Traffic snarls not only on the roads but inside the malls too is not a rare sight to see.  Stalking one another (literally), shopaholics with an eye for jazzy apparels even try to snatch away that green coloured jacket the other person has been carrying around for past half an hour. Guards are happy as you enter the main gate of the shopping precinct but beware when you leave. That’s of course is not an easy task as your shopping bags are under his keen surveillance and scrutiny. Trailing queues with utmost discipline are to be seen at the doorway to the trial rooms. Yes, we Delhiites know what self-control means (though sometimes)!! But what adds to the woes is that a single piece of dress needs approval of all ranging from mommy to bhabhi to naani (not to forget phone approvals from the special loved ones). Ufff! This inferno like situation gets a lot more crazy with innocent infants crawling inside out with their freaked out fathers running behind them while handling the age old question of  their mommies “Do I look fat in this??” diplomatically. Cheers to guys for this!! These very toddlers are shrewd enough to point their fingers at games or chic dresses which come as a rescue to these worn-out progenitors. Irritating are those who make the trial room their homes trying to fit in every possible size of every single dress in every shade available. Even amidst this entire tussle, shaking my leg to the tune of background music in the trial room, I never forget that mirror authenticity needs my verification too. Shopping hard enough throughout the day, guys too have their cup of tea in just 5 minutes. One T-shirt here, a pair of jeans there and voila! Wardrobe modified instantly. But this lightning speed does vanish when it comes to shoes and accessories though! Kind of boring as there’s no hustle-bustle around which I had just talked about till now. But Thank God!

If all this wasn’t enough, roadside shopping is even more delightful and accessorizes our discounted stock. It allows us to let us practise what our brain is actually wired for – Bargaining. Afterall, Aur kuch ho na ho, raaste ka maal saste mein nai liya toh kya liya!!!

Courtesy: Google Images

Shopping is a real stress buster too. Try it. The ambience, lightning and the people scurrying around is enough to rejuvenate and boost your tad dampened spirits. A festive atmosphere envelopes all gloom and yes pockets too!! . I am going to get my itchy fingers on the LBD that my eyes have been feasting on for the past few weeks!!! Ta-daa!!!